


I Can’t Resist Tonight

by AwHusbandNo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Past Pepper/Tony - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-28 00:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15696171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwHusbandNo/pseuds/AwHusbandNo
Summary: December 16th rolls around and Tony can’t resist making a phone call.





	I Can’t Resist Tonight

The whiskey didn’t burn anymore. He should have known that he should stop when that happened. He should have known that he probably shouldn’t be alone, especially tonight. He should have known better than to be anywhere near that phone.

He was also ten sheets to the wind and didn’t give a flying fuck about much, except drowning his trauma. Which just wasn’t happening anymore. 

Tony looked over the New York skyline, bleary eyed and turned back into the closed dark of his room in the newly rebuilt Stark Tower. The phone was sitting right there, right on his nightstand. 

Last time he’d picked it up and dialed, he’d ended up in London at a bar, talking with Steve. It hadn’t been easy, talking to him. At least he hadn’t tried to justify keeping what the Winter Soldier had done a secret. Tony would have probably broken his ridiculously nice nose if he had. Tony had forgotten exactly how attractive Steve was. He was reminded when he made Steve laugh, just a little. His smile that accompanied the laugh made something ache in Tony’s chest that he hadn’t felt since Pepper left. That was the moment he decided it was best to leave. He didn’t look back as he walked off without warning. He wasn’t strong enough to walk away from what he was sure was a confused and hurt Steve. Tony wasn’t ready to forgive him yet, and so help him, he would have if he saw that look.

That was two months ago. Steve hadn’t called, probably hoping to give him space. Tony received an anonymous early Christmas present, a gorgeous painting of him in the workshop, all full of concentration, invention, and wonder. He knew who it was from. He knew because he remembered what he had been working on that the artist had captured.

Tony was simultaneously enthralled and slightly sickened. How dare he? How fucking dare he? Tony could have maybe worked with this before. He could have maybe tested the waters, seen if this was a gesture of close friendship or something more intimate. Could have fallen in love with Steve over this. Before. 

Now? Now, Tony had no defense against a gesture like this. He couldn’t find out what the painting meant. Well, he technically could, but not in any satisfying way and that would be worse.  
He locked himself in his workshop until he passed out. Pepper found him and forced some sustenance and rest on him, kept him company for a few days until December 16th. He couldn’t sleep that night, but like hell was he calling Steve.  
He started drinking around noon. Not heavily. He didn’t start the heavy stuff until 6. And by 9, he wished he had heavier. And he was trashed. And he picked up the phone.

The line rang several times, and when Steve’s voice answered, it was sleep-gravelled and deep in a way that would have affected Tony had he been sober.

“Tony, what’s wrong?”

“It was today. Twenty six years ago today.” There was silence on the other end. Finally, there was a quiet, “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Tony finished. “Twenty-six years ago today, my life went to shit. And I keep wondering why, Steve. Why. And the only constant I can come up with is me.” Tony took another swig from the glass in his hand. “If it hadn’t been Bucky, it would have been some other poor bastard forced to do it. No, I was the one who finally fixed it. I was the one who just had to tell Dad that I’d come up with something cuz I thought it’d make him proud. Cuz he could finally make ‘nother you.”

“Tony, you’re drunk. I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Steve said on the end of the line. 

Tony giggled a bit hysterically. “The serum, Steve. I fixed it. Fixed it right up, good as the one they gave you. Dad had some made up, took mom with him for the delivery. He’d’a never made ‘er go if I hadn’a been home right before he left. Didn’t even get to say goodbye to ‘er, not really.”

“Shit, Tony, I...I didn’t -”

“You did’n know, “ Tony interrupted. “Nobody knows. I don’ even wanna know. Modified my mem’ries but I remember.”

“Tony, I’m...I’m sorry,” Steve finally replies. He has nothing he can really say beyond that.

“I know y’are, Steve. Nothin’ either of us can do to change it. Tech hasn’t gotten that far yet.”

Steve sighs. “Get some sleep. Call me tomorrow, we can talk then?” Steve gently suggested.

“You know what, Cap, that sounds like a brilliant idea. Shoulda thought of it myself.”


End file.
